001: The Thing About You and Other People's Needs


My first podcast! I thought I'd start off with some recurring themes from our Healthy Boundaries for Kind People work. Here's the thing: those challenged by boundaries and/or people pleasers tend to both bend over backward to meet the needs of others, while also feeling pathetic and "needy" that they have needs of their own. Oh, we are a funny species! So, I thought I'd offer you a different way of looking at it and a few "hows" to get you out violating your own boundaries to please others.

Here are a few things I'd like to highlight from this episode:

  • Please consider my favorite tools of context, nuance, and discernment to see what rings true for you. (2:29)

  • Why I think traditional boundary strategies and advice, fails kind people. (It's a trap!) (4:10)

  • We can acknowledge someone's needs without having to meet those needs.(5:43)

  • We're willing to violate our own boundaries to prove our worthiness to others. (9:17)

  • You can care about someone's feeling without becoming the caretaker of their feelings. (10:56)

  • People pleasing is often an attempt to manage someone else's emotional response. (12:31)

  • When my clients dig into the deep boundary work, they often discover that they're not as good as they think about honoring the boundaries of others. (15:54)

  • Honoring your own boundaries helps others to see that you have them. (17:29)

  • We honor our boundaries (and show deep respect for others) when we shift from the person who has to "save" them to the person who believes in them. (17:55)



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Randi Buckley