We Owe No One Our Suffering
I used to agonize and punish myself, indefinitely, for my screw ups. Like, if I suffered and sabotaged myself enough, it would eventually make up for it. As if it were the moral and righteous thing to do. If someone were on the other end of my screw up, I resigned my right to happiness, peace, or moving beyond it. I stayed in that space indefinitely, feeling the shame and pain of it all. It wasn't martyrdom for their sake, but throwing ourselves on a sword of shame for our own, often unknown to anyone else.
Well this does nothing for anyone, except offers a small, early death to a part of us. It does not change the situation, but keeps us suspended in it, narcissistically.
It does nothing for others when we stay down or writhe in our own pain. It does not advance humanity, nor does it serve anyone else. It's not repentance. It is the exact opposite of making it right.
So what do I do now (or remind myself to do)? I get up. Right away. I dust off my hands and know that the greatest way I can make it right, is to not give up on myself, nor think so little of others that they could only accept me as a failure. That is selling other people short and not seeing the deep good and compassion in them.
We owe no one our suffering.
So if you are there, and think you must stay down, as you don't deserve to get up, or that you owe it to others to not, I ask you to stand up and keep moving. Your (or my) staying down serves no one. Get up. And know this is welcome and the very thing that makes it right.