Quit being the pathologist of your own life.
We are self-aware. We want to understand our past, our relationships and our patterns. We especially want to understand that the parts that seem to keep us stuck, unable to break a cycle, and to know why we do these things. Because these are all the things we do if we are responsible, mindful, and want to grow. We recognize ourselves as the common denominator to our heartbreaks, frustrations or disappointments. “I must have screwed this up. Again. Let me go ruminate on this indefinitely.” Right?
But what if the incessant need and desire to understand our own pathology, the ‘why’ and ‘how’ something happened, is the very thing keeping us in the place we want to move from?
Sometimes trying to figure out what keeps us of stuck or in a pattern we’d like to break, is the very act of trying to figure out what keeps us of stuck or in a pattern we’d like to break.
We believe that it’s responsible to look and learn from our missteps and our past. And it is. But there is a difference between gleaning insight and moving forward and moving into (and setting up house in) rumination. Rumination can be a disguised as a search for knowledge, understanding, and thoughtful consideration, when it is also the eye of the whirlpool keeping us in pattern we seek to break, and not moving beyond it. And like any disguise, it is usually a self-portrait.
We make little progress if our default is to head back into the caverns of our mind to hash out what happened, each time, when the reason we’re trying to figure it out is so that we can also live life outside of the caverns of our mind. To keep trying to see what happened and move forward, is like driving while only looking in the rear view mirror. It can be dangerous and will not get you where you want to go, anytime soon.
If you want to get out of the maelstrom of a situation, the eddy of an unsustainable pattern, lift your gaze. We can gain the insights we seek while moving forward. Answers to your past might well be found on the path ahead. To find them, move forward in the direction in desires.
Having a full understanding of your ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of what isn’t working or the patterns that keep you stuck, is not a prerequisite for living life, or for making choices or changes.
It’s tempting to become the pathologist of your own life, but you’ve got more living to do.
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