In Boundaries, Dress for the Weather
So many kind people want to offer someone the chance to show they are different and that things have changed with them. The want to believe, and experience, what they hope is possible in the behavior of the other person. So, being so kind, they let the person show up with hopes that they'll take this opportunity and show the world how they've changed. They want to be the one who didn't give up on somebody and be a believer in them. And then they are crushed. Disappointed, sad, hurt, and possibly even abused.
This is not to say that someone might not change. But here's the deal: the ownness is on them to do so. You can still embrace, make space for, and welcome their change- if it happens. But you cannot pull it out of them, even when you know what else is possible for them. Dropping or abandoning your boundaries would be like not wearing warm clothes in the winter in hopes that it will suddenly warm up. If it warms up, great- then put on the right clothes for the weather. Dance like crazy and celebrate. You can still hope for it and want it, but going out into the blizzard, naked, will likely get you burned. Even when you hope for sunshine, you must dress for the weather.