How do I know if I want to be a mom?
If you ask yourself that question every day, you're not alone.
"Maybe Baby", music by Wolf Larsen
For most of my adult life, I was adamant about my decision not to have kids. I felt very strongly about my lack of desire to bear children, and it seemed like the more intensely I leaned into that, the more outside opinions and pressures I invited in (many from very well-meaning, kind people). The idea that my choice felt threatened by others made me even more steadfast.
But I started to hear these whispers. Even as I would tell someone how certain I was that I didn’t want kids, these little whispers would be in my ear again.
Are you sure?
When I was being honest with myself, I realized these whispers were just the beginning of a conversation. It was a conversation that was frightening because suddenly, I wasn’t so self-assured of my choice - a conversation that began with the one word that changed everything for me.
And then I heard so many stories from other women, that they always knew they wanted children until suddenly one day they weren't sure. Whether we never wanted to become mothers, or always thought it was what we wanted, when your path leads you to a point of ambivalence, it is an absolute gift to get help and have support in finding your truth.
Maybe Baby is designed to meet you at the point of maybe and in the heart of your ambivalence, and designed to walk you through, finding your truth and desire and using that as your North Star (or for my Southern Hemisphere friends, your Southern Cross). Then we move from there, with your truth, to both make peace with it, and if desired, to help you find your way of articulating it.
"Ambivalence has been one of the greater challenges of my life. Often torn by the strong pull of two very different polarities - to be or not to be a mother was one of the most deeply painful ones. I often felt frozen, paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice. I took Maybe Baby in the spring of 2012, about halfway through the course, listening to one of the interviews I became completely pissed off by something the guest speaker said, almost offhand. Yet, my reaction to her words was the greatest gift as it swung me very clearly in the direction of Knowing. Processing the rage brought me to peace, and a clarity that had eluded me for too long. I am so very grateful for this offering of yours, Randi... Thank you. "- Michelle Madden Smith
The choice to become a mother is unchangeable. For women like you who are struggling with that choice, it often feels like you're the only one. But you're not. There is a way to feel confident, focused, and (mostly) prepared--just like you prefer to be in the rest of your life--when it comes to your choice about motherhood.
From Ambivalence to Peace
A Self-study journey to explore the deeper truth of your heart: if motherhood is calling you.
I know where you’re at and what it feels like to carry around a heavy and persistent question like this while it remains unanswered. When I started to wonder whether or not I actually wanted a child, I went on a journey of soul-searching and self-coaching to find my truth. Two days after my 38th birthday, I gave birth to a baby boy. Throughout my questioning phase and into my pregnancy, I began to compile those years of concerns, questions, and hopes, and finally, I created something just for women trying to find the answer to their own search.
Maybe Baby is a self-study program for women who aren’t sure if they want children.
Designed by a woman who became uncertain about kids for women who aren’t quite decided either, Maybe Baby will get you the tools you need to come to a place of acceptance with whatever path you decide is right for you.
Here’s a breakdown what you’ll receive with your course access:
6 weeks of coaching modules designed to take you into your truth by reframing and giving yourself permission. Modules have been designed by me specifically to help you answer this question and include exercises, essays, and journal prompts.
A beautiful, guided classroom experience a private online platform. You’ll receive a new module each week with a variety of additional resources, and the downloadable material is available to you for six months so you can take the time you need at a pace that works for you to get through a difficult question.
Expert interviews to hear honest takes on the ‘Maybe Baby’ question through the lens of their individual specialty and personal experience.
Upon completion, you’ll receive membership into the Maybe Baby Alumna group on Facebook, a community of women offering support, compassion, and community while sharing insights, journeys, and personal stories.
Maybe Baby will help you discover your truth around motherhood and children and whether that’s a journey that will become part of your story. If this sounds like the whisper you’ve been hearing in your heart, I’d love to work with you to find an answer to the Maybe Baby question.
"Randi's Maybe Baby course landed in my life at exactly the right time: I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to have children, and felt like I was running out of time to decide. When I looked around at my friends and family, it seemed like people either fell into the "kids-are-the-only-thing-that-
Guided, expert coaching, exploration, soul-searching, essays, interviews, and a community of other woman ready to support you. Exploration of the issues, fears, personal desires through nonjudgmental coaching and exercises. Permission to change your mind, heart and be at peace with your truth, whatever it may be.
Maybe Baby seeks your truth
I will help you find your answer and move toward peace.
We'll look at what may be in the way of that truth and peace, and what it means.
Some women I've worked with have talked about feeling like a hypocrite (because you always said 'hell no' about kids), wondering if you'll be able to make it financially, how to talk to a partner about your feelings, your stereotypes of what people become when they become parents, and how to be OK with wanting a child when a friend is suffering infertility or miscarriage.
We look at being scared that you might screw someone up, what you can say to well-meaning relatives who have opinions or won't stop asking you about this, reconciling having once terminated a pregnancy but perhaps wanting a child now, being ok with no, being ok with "I don't know", being ok with yes. How to talk to a partner about your truth.
The list goes on, but it's your list and I want to help. And I will.
The Maybe Baby Self-Study Program includes:
6 Weeks of coaching modules designed to take you into your truth. Modules include exercises designed by me specifically for this question, essays, journal prompts, permission and reframing to open up to your truth.
The entire course is available to you through an online portal, with abundant resources to go further into the material. You receive a new module each week and work at your own pace. The material is available to you for six months, and can be downloaded.
Expert interviews to hear honest takes on the 'maybe baby' question through the lens of their specialty and personal experience.
Upon completion, membership into the Maybe Baby Alumna group on Facebook. A self-supported community of women offering support, compassion and community while sharing insights and journeys.
Interviews with experts who share their knowledge, experience and perspective on the whole Maybe Baby question.
- Lissa Rankin, OB/GYN MD: Nationally respected author and progressive women's health expert- Deciding; how motherhood/non-motherhood effects your physical and emotional health, her leap and experiences of her patients
- Elizabeth Kearny: Genetic Counselor/Past-President of National Society of Genetic Counselors- Straight-talk on genetic issues, risks (and non-risks) to child and mother, maternal age issues (and non-issues)
- Dara McKinley: Women’s Sensuality Expert- Pleasure as a gauge of your 'right' path and journey, how sensuality changes with motherhood, the wisdom and secret to knowing your direction
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen: Loving with Power and Mama Coach- Motherhood and keeping your relationship on fire. Michele was pregnant at the time of this interview and speaks incredible wisdom about what she'd say to her little girl if she had the Maybe Baby question.
- Cath Duncan: Remembering For Good Coach- After her daughter was stillborn, Cath explored and has discovered ways to be a mother in the world without having a little one at your side. Incredible interview about expressing the aspects of motherhood you want to express in a world that may otherwise not recognize your mama-like contribution.
- Jeni Loftus Ph.D: Sociology Professor/Women's Studies and Women's Identity (Purdue University): How society shapes our beliefs, choices and the "Motherhood Mandate" pressure we feel. Who are we as women with or without children?
- Laura Gates: Spirit Babies medium, Leadership and Intuitive Healing Coach: Looks at the whole question from an other wordly- realm with deep insight in to who is calling us forth.
- Riikka Rajamaki: Looking at what your soul and spirit desire and how you use that to seek direction and peace.
Most women enter this course with very understandable hang ups around this very hot topic. We’ll look at what may be in the way of you finding truth and peace around this and what that means.
Some common feelings and questions that come up include:
Feeling like a hypocrite (because you always said ‘hell no’ about kids)
Wondering if you’ll be able to make it work financiallyWondering what this might mean for a current relationship, if your partner feels differently
Figuring how to talk to a partner about your feelings (and theirs, too)
Your stereotypes of what people become when then become parents
Reconciling, and making peace with your self-image of (potentially) being a mom.
How to be okay with wanting a child when a friend is suffering infertility or miscarriage
Being scared you might screw someone up
What you can say to well-meaning relatives who have Opinions or won’t stop asking you about this
Reconciling having once terminated a pregnancy but perhaps wanting a child now
Being okay with “No”
Being okay with “I don’t know”
Being okay with “yes”
The list goes on. But it’s your list, and I want to help. And I will.
Important Things to Know about Maybe Baby:
- Past participants suggest people have about 2-3 hours a week to devote to the material.