A Love Note to the “Hyper-Sensitive” and “Takers-of-it-Too-Personally”

by Randi

This post is inspired by a Facebook query and conversation with the deeply insightful and thoughtful, Erika Harris.  If this speaks to you, I encourage you to check out her website and gorgeous offerings. Thank you Erika for your grace and bright light.  

They say:  You’re too sensitive.  You take it too personally.  You’re thin-skinned.  You need to toughen up.

I hear: I have no idea how in touch with the world you are, nor can I grasp the depths of your empathy, from which I benefit. It’s like you can see colors that are naked to my eye.  You carry the awareness of others, of those far away, those unseen, in your heart on behalf of us all.  You are the torchbearer of the forgotten.  You bear the weight of other’s pain so they have a lifeline into the rest of humanity.  You are a barometer for how we are doing as a species.  I can’t imagine the space you hold for others to show up and feel cared for and acknowledged even when no one else can see that it’s you doing this.  You take on my share of pain when my words sting you.  You bear witness so that we know, so we cannot forget.  Your mere presence is equanimity.  Your energy is generously used in service of your ability to intuit and sense even the most subtle change in weather, perspective, mind or heart.  I’m not aware that your sensitivity can cause you physical pain.  You are a canary in the coal mine of our culture, and are wrecked by violent movies, news of pain, and mistreatment of fellow humans, animals, and the earth.  If I knew the depths of your consideration I’d be humbled and inspired.  I didn’t see or have the consideration that you are a gift and could be treasured.  Your light is omnipresent.  I don’t know to pay attention.  I don’t understand, even though I am the beneficiary of your grace. 

I say:  Thank you, friend.  Rest and take care.  We need you. 

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  • Jac McNeil

    I feel like you spoke directly to my sensitive soul. It’s a gift to know and witness others so well Randi. Thank you so much for writing this piece. I will treasure it. xox Love, Jac

  • heatherlyone

    girl, this is SUCH an awesome way of interpreting an interaction of this nature. i really love this. it rings so true – thank you for putting this complex set of emotions into words.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pamelaepearson Pam Pearson

    I felt such compassion for myself and others as I read this. The warmth was radiating from my heart. So very true what is mostly unspoken. Thank you for this beautiful expression!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kristinlstewart Kristin L. Stewart

    goosebumps ALL OVER my body as I read this. thank you, thank you, thank you…

  • sueanngleason

    Not only do I feel “seen” here, Randi, I also feel “vindicated” for all those years of being told I was “too sensitive” when the truth was that NO CHILD should endure the abuse of heavy hands and screaming voices and then be told, “YOU are too sensitive.” So thank you for that. Those wounds are no longer fresh and I no longer feel the sting of the unmet needs of “the child” but these words still feel like a soothing balm to the psyche. <3

  • Megan Flatt

    so, so lovely. The online world is such a strange place, I feel like you were able to put a real spin on it. I love your compassion, what an inspiration to us all

  • http://www.pinkelephantcommunications.com Carrie Klassen

    Yours is such an exquisite (and needed) voice. Thank you for this.

  • randibuckley

    Thank you, Sue Ann. They didn’t know any better, did they? It’s a different form of genius, I believe and I really like the idea of it being like seeing colors others don’t know exist. It’s not something some folks can wrap there head around, especially when coming from a young child. Adults tend to think they know more, so when a child is SO in touch, they can’t imagine that. May there be much more balm for your sweet heart. And I agree, no child should be subject or even have the suspicion of abuse.

  • randibuckley

    Thank you sweet woman! I know that you know I deeply value your ideas and perspective.

  • randibuckley

    Thank you for your kind words, Megan. Compassion is really the salve for all.

  • randibuckley

    Thanks Ane! I checked out your page (and so glad I did). Really appreciate that you shared it there. What a treat!

  • randibuckley

    Mmm… you are so welcome. I’m glad you feel seen. Doesn’t that feel nice? We have to do that for each other.

  • randibuckley

    Great to hear, Pam. Thank you! I hope that warmth continues. It’s always a moment away.

  • randibuckley

    Thank you, Heather. It’s hard for people to recognize genius when they don’t even know that that type exists. Bless their hearts!

  • randibuckley

    I’m so happy to hear that my friend! That it landed in your heart, fills mine. Love!

  • http://twitter.com/lemead Lindsey Mead

    Oh, wow. You’re inside my head, my heart, my soul, as you write this. Or, more accurately, inside what I WISH I heard when people make those critical comments. Thank you. xox

  • DanielBrenton

    Bravo. In some ways here, I am definitely a canary in the coal mine of the United States. Horror movies are the emotional equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard to me, as well as some of the other things you mention. Now, to find the way to make this work FOR me.

  • Christie

    Randi – I don’t even know what to say to this post. It went straight to my take-it-too-personal heart and I let out a sigh of relief.

  • Ageless Life

    Beautifully done…I can relate to every word you write. Thank you.

  • Elizabeth Paterson

    We’re told in the Four Agreements not to take anything personally, because it never is meant as personal….Really? Then why say the critical and hurtful words in the first place? Someone saying that is another way to manipulate and control another, which to me is another form of abuse. When will people stop abusing others, and when will blame be taken off the victim?

  • http://twitter.com/TinaPruitt Tina Pruitt

    I totally understand and can relate to this amazing post…read through it twice…
    I absorb feelings, emotions, colors…and more….from those around me and it has taken me a long time to discern that those are not “mine”…and to clear that energy whenever possible…I am getting better at it with much support from others! Thank you for such an expressive way to remove the “hyper-sensitive” label and allow others a peek of what is really going on….
    Tina xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/donna.l.naylor Donna Lynn Naylor

    I believe that if the eyes never had tears than the soul would never have a rainbow!

  • Kristina S.

    Honestly, I thought I was the only one. I have always been told to toughen up. To stop being so emotional. To control myself. But that’s not my gift to the world. You have summed it up so beautifully. Thank you for helping me realize that I’m not alone and that I have so much more to offer the world by being me.

  • lldiko

    This is a truly inspiring way to understand others who do not understand what it is like being highly sensitive. Not being sensitive is not an option for us, HSPs. Choosing to bury deep our feelings, choosing to toughen up and disconnect from our sensitivity, can only come at a great personal cost for HSPs. Choosing to ignore that we notice and that we care would be also a big loss to the world. Thank you for sharing your graceful way of dealing with people’s ignorance about this!

  • Bubbles

    This is the most brilliant moment of my day – thank you! Thank you for helping sort my thoughts and troubles…just like that! I am writing this to my Mother in her Christmas card this year!

  • Emma McCreary

    This is beautiful; thank you. It warms me to have the pain and gifts of being a emotional conduit named so precisely and with such appreciation.

    I also want to name, because it was a breakthrough for me, that there is agency in this role; you can choose to own your own space and energy field. Energy responds to intention; through intention you can choose how much to feel of energy that is not yours. I find that I only need to feel a little to empathize and connect. Then I hold that inner boundary so I can feel my own feelings and response, rather than be overwhelmed by the energy of others. I think this is also a service; by not taking on that role, it directs the energy back to the source, for their own learning and integration. It also is self-care, which lets me stay resourced and present.

  • RebeccaTracey

    I *may* be guilty of having told my partner that he is too sensitive. Sending this his way, as my apology :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/elif.ozdemir.965580 Elif Özdemir

    So very beautiful Randi. Thank you for articulating so well how I have been feeling…

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