Midwife of Inner & Interpersonal Conflict Resolution

I’m honored to have a Creative Harvest post this week over at the FAB Roots of She website.

Please take a look!

Roots of She

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Ambivalence is an internal island

Ships pass

Each contemplated

Their commitment to a horizon

Whispers of unsettling consideration

Once solid ground, now tectonic plates

Shifting.

The firm stance slides

We are split, exposed

Does no one see this?

Please don’t look.  I am strong.  I am strong.

This isn’t happening

yet it is all of me.

Discovering the destination

was a pit stop

Internal compass spinning

The sky, once a mirror is dark

Dare I look at the stars?

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“Randi Buckley is the best-kept secret in coaching.  But she won’t be for long.” ~Jennifer Louden 

I’m about to unveil two new coaching offerings that I’ve crafted.  I’m grateful! And excited!  And I’m grateful to you for wanting to do this work.  So: here’s a little gratutude in motion- If you enroll in either of the coaching options by midnight tonight (Nov. 22) you’ll be my guest in Marianne Elliots’s “Zen and the Art of Peacekeeping: Holiday Edition” , which starts this week.  (You see I’m grateful for her too- and the work we’re putting out into the world).  Registration for Marianne’s excellent program closes tonight, hence the deadline.  If coaching isn’t in the cards for you right now, no worries.  Please check out Marianne’s gorgeous offering nonetheless.

Maybe Baby is rockin’!  It turns out, that the ‘maybe’ question is really an acupressure point for a woman’s whole life.  The women in the current session of Maybe Baby are blowing my mind with the work they are doing and insights they are having.  It is beautiful, stunning and full of truth.  What else is stunning to me is that the program is starting to receive international media attention.  There are several BIG publications doing features on the program after the first of the year.  I’ll keep you posted.  But the thing is, it’s going to fill up soon.

The next round of Maybe Baby starts in February.  For a short time, I’ve opened regisration at the 2011 price.  If you’ve been thinking about this, I invite this to be your nudge… discover your truth and get a break on price.  What a tagline!  The 2011 price is good through November but seriously, if you’re thinking ‘maybe’ about Maybe Baby, you’re actually ready to find the answer.  Here’s the registration page: right here.

Can’t wait until February?  I understand.  I’ve created a private, one-on-one Maybe Baby program.  You can find out if that is for you here.

And a NEW Coaching Offering...

I’m in the process of updating my offerings for 2012.  I have two signature programs (“Maybe Baby” and another which I’ll be unveiling after the first of the year), a few select one on one programs and an international workshop tour.  Yes, 2012 is going to rock: I’m going to help a lot of women from all around the world.  Are you one of them?

Introducing “Sticky Situation Sessions”

A “Sticky Situation Session” is a one-off coaching session to sort out something, well, sticky or a big decisionin your life, relationship or work.  The goal of this session is to quickly gain control over the situation, get clear on what you need to have happen and give you the tools to do it.  Whether it’s a difficult conversation, uncomfortable personal situation, looming decision or the like- we aim for peace with your truth and get you well on your way.  The “Sticky Situation Session” is 60-75 mins, includes pre-session work to be submitted 48 hours in advance of our appointment, an mp3 recording of the session and follow up email support.  Sessions are conducted by phone or by Skype. $225.  For now, I’m introducing this program at $175 but only until the end of the year.  And yes, you may give it as a gift and/or the session can be booked to take place in 2012.  And yes, everyone who has done it feels it’s worth it.  Beyond worth it.  Get it: here

OK- The clock is ticking!  Any coaching you book with me by midnight, tonight, will include a guest place in Marianne’s program, “Zen and The Art of Peacekeeping: Holiday Edition.   

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Thank you Deanna, Felicity, Katie and Tracie for your entries!

There was no way I could chose a recipient by myself- you’ll all deserving, so I enlisted some great guest judges (post about that forthcoming). But as I have limited internet right now, I’ll announce the full scholarship to goes to Katie. Congratulations!

And I’m awarding partial scholarships (50% tuition) to all of you! Please contact me via email and we’ll get you all set up! randi at randibuckley dot com Congratulations and thank you to Jen Louden, Rachel Cole, Sarah Blackthorne and Christine Halmick for your wise insight and guidance.

Hey, for the rest of you, there is still time!  Registration for Maybe Baby closes next Friday, October 28th. 

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I was told that I’m shooting myself in the foot.  Well then, here it goes.

Lately you may have caught me gibber-jabberin’ about listening to your heart.  I believe truth lives in the heart.  It’s always there but sometimes a little hard to see or hear, because it may be something we don’t want to see or hear.  You’ll know if you’ll not honoring your truth.  You’ll feel it.  Sometimes it’s a big feeling, sometimes it’s just feels like something is off.

So here’s my deal: something has been off.

I’ve felt it but couldn’t couldn’t put my finger on it (or didn’t want to go there).  Then in my “Teach Now” class it hit me what it was.

I’m changing the price of Maybe Baby; I’m lowering it.  I’ve been told not to do this, and I understand the rationale but I need to be in alignment with what feels right for me.  I think the value of the program is priceless but right now, I want the price to be a little lower.  I want to help.

So if you have been ‘maybe’ about Maybe Baby, I hope this serves as an invitation.  I’d love to have you there.  And if you’ve already registered at the original price, I’ll refund the difference at the end of the course.  I want to be fair (and I’m delighted you’re already here!).

• The Maybe Baby 6 week Program is now $200.  (Was $247)
• The Maybe Baby 6 week Personal Program (includes 1:1 coaching) is $775.  (Was $847)

You can register on the Maybe Baby page here.  Registration closes October 21st.

Very, very cool women have joined our expert team, by the way.  Dr. Lissa Rankin, Danielle LaPorte, Michelle Lisenbury Christensen and Dara McKinley, to name a few.  I dare say this is a life-changing program.

Oh my goodness, I want to help women with this!

I’m doing a scholarship (listening to my heart as I type this)!  One full and one partial-scholarship to the Maybe Baby Program.

• To enter, let me know, in the comments on the Maybe Baby page what the cost of ambivalence is to you and what peace with your truth would look and feel like.
• Winners will be announced when the scholarship contest closes on Tuesday, October 18th.  
• Tweeting, re-tweeting and posting on Facebook will earn you brownie points.  

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Last week the Norwegian Nobel Committee recognized the world-changing accomplishments of three women.  The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Tawakkul Karman in recognition of their efforts “for their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women’s rights to full participation in peace-building work”.  In essence, The Nobel Committee has awarded the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize to The Girl Effect.

What?  Really?  Well, yes.  The accomplishments of these three outstanding women, and all that support them, started with the seed of education being planted into fertile ground of possibility when they were girls.  The Girl Effect is the effect on a girl, her health, her family, her village, her country, and our world when the life of girl is given a chance to flourish, simply by starting her off with education.  It’s the seed that grows and starts a chain reaction of good things like choosing when (or if) she marries, has children, her impact on her community and eventually things that warrant The Nobel Peace Prize.  All by getting a fair shot at going to school.  What?  Really?  Well, yes.

So the Nobel Committee understands this little ditty of an equation:  It’s the equation for The Butterfly Effect: the sensitive dependence on initial conditions; where a small change at one place in a system can result in large differences to a later state (source: New York Academy of Sciences; thanks).  The main difference between these two effects is that we can predict, with radically greater probability, the effect of educating a girl: an elegant revolution with the highest possible return on investment.

A revolution changes the course of our orbit, our world.  It is the simple, initial condition of education. It is the work honored by The Nobel Peace Prize.  It is the right thing.  It is time.  We do this by helping girls.  While we’re not all Nobel Laureates, we all do have the power of butterflies.

The beauty of the Nobel Peace Prize is the light it suddenly shines a light on incredible efforts that most of us were in the dark about.  That too is the beauty of  The Girl Effect campaign.  Fortunately what comes next doesn’t require fancy equations.  It’s really just love.  And action.  But mostly love.

Let’s educate girls.

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RB: Hey Danielle! How are you?

DL: Hi, hi, hello, I’m great. I’m so excited to talk with you.

RB: Excellent! So as I was preparing to talk with you, a movie that kept popping up in my head. I’ll preface with that: It was Moulin Rouge.

DL: [laughter]

RB: [laughter] I was thinking about you, and what I wanted to talk to you about, and the movie Moulin Rouge kept popping up. You know, the movie in part embraced a carnival atmosphere, but the essence of truth, beauty, freedom and love seems to be what that movie is all about.  I think that is very much what your work is all about and having jumped into my own copy of The Firestarter Sessions, that’s very much what I’m experiencing. So, I just want to put that out there.

DL: Mmmm. Thanks for that. You know what I love about that is that you’re paying attention to the themes and the stories and the images that come up. I think so many of us have those little daydreams, or imagery floats in, and we just kind-of, we let it float by, but there’s always connections to be made there. Aren’t there?

RB: Always.  Very cool.

DL: And hot-looking costumes. I mean, there’s the depth of truth, beauty, freedom and love… [laughter] and everybody looks hot, too. [laughter]

RB: There’s something about red crushed velvet that really [laughter] really helps. So that was coming up, and that was really the cocoon which, when I was thinking about talking to you, that I found myself being wrapped in. For me, really having particular interest in the areas of leadership, leadership on one terms, trail-blazing, and then partnership, there are four aspects beyond truth, beauty, freedom and love that, when I thought about you Danielle, really came to mind. And those are: generosity, mysticism, partnership, and there’s something genius — well, I think you’re genius in all these areas — but particularly genius in finding your own voice. So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to talk to you a little bit about those aspects.

DL: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.  Generosity. Yeah. Ooh, Let’s start with … can I just start with generosity.

RB: Absolutely!

DL: I think the more you give, the more you have to give. And, what I really dislike about corporate strategy is that, that dynamic, the tactic of withholding, and of, of umm, tampering and the pacing and … I mean, of course, you know… Product development 101: you’re gonna come out with this, and it’s going to evolve into this, and … But there’s this holding back, and I see it, I’ve seen it happen creatively with people. Oh, I’m so heartbroken when someone says, “What do I do about someone stealing my ideas?” or “I don’t really wanna tell everybody.” Or “I don’t, I shouldn’t, maybe I…” You know, one of the reasons I left my life in Washington, DC was that I signed a nondisclosure agreement, like I was signing like 2 or 3 a week. It was ridiculous. Um, so, for me that spirit of generosity comes in: I’m just going to give all I have to give right now, and I’m going to — because I feel to — and I’m going to trust that there’s going to be another idea behind this great idea. And, I’m gonna trust that, if this idea is meant to be mine to execute on, um, and to prosper from, then it will be mine. And, I also know, ideas are a dime a dozen. You need to have the cash, or the resources (doesn’t always translate into cash), and you need to actually execute. So, go ahead and share your ideas. None of it matters unless you are actually gonna do it. Um, yeah, like I’ve been saying lately, I always find that generous people have more to give.

RB: Nice. Well you must have discovered that looking in the mirror because I’ve been trying to catch as many of the interviews you’ve been doing as possible and, you’ve got to be close to a hundred…

DL: Am I? Yeah, maybe. [laughter] Yeah…

RB: And you know, prior to that, you know, really giving a lot of your time, um, in addition to creating the Fire Starter Sessions, you know, all your blog posts are just, it’s like nectar for the soul. Do nourishing. And then, I think, you know, what is just incredible, for your birthday — happy belated — , you did the “pay what you can” and, from what I can tell online, you’ve received over seven hundred offers.

DL: Yes. It was nuts. I had no … [laughter] This is such a great experience of me having … Like, I had fair expectations, like, “Oh, you know, maybe I’ll get a hundred and fifty comments on my blog and wouldn’t it great, people can offer me anywhere between twenty bucks and two hundred bucks.” Some people decided to over-pay, which was great, they offered scholarships…

RB: Ooh.  So lovely.

DL: That was amazing.  So Amazing.  I had no idea that that many people even knew I was here. [laughter] And, um, but really, I was so touched by, that it just, it really was this pay-it-forward dynamic; like, you know, two women got together and like, I’m gonna, I’m, let’s do scholarships! And I’m gonna put an extra fifty bucks in for someone who can’t afford it and one guy said to me “I want to pay you two hundred bucks, one copy for me and one copy for someone who can’t afford it,” and THEN, behind the scenes, it was moving and heart-stretching to get, see you know, all the comments of what people were saying they could pay, on the actual site, but the stories I got, behind the scenes via email, are a book in and of themselves. I was just amazed, at people’s honesty, and vulnerability. I was amazed at, um, the hardships of the economy. I was amazed at people’s wealth, and abundance. Um, you know, and there are a few tricksters in that whole mix of people who, you know, want to put ten bucks on their credit card; you know what, that’s not cool. You got a credit card, you can put more than ten bucks on it. That’s, that’s, that’s … I’m not into that. Um, so there were just a handful of boundaries that I had to put up, so I gave people a complimentary chapter and said, you know, when you have more than ten bucks, I’m here.

RB: I like how you handled that.  Elegant and self-respecting.

DL: Yeah, it was a really great lesson for me in boundaries. Really great. There’s probably a lot I could probably, there’s a few articles I need to write on that, but, um, yeah.

RB: Mm-hmm. Well, it’s just, you know, and I was preparing to talk to you and then that happened. I was like “Whoa! I’m on to something with generosity here!” because it was really amazing to watch and I really hear in your voice that it was deeply moving. And still is.

DL: Oh yes, yes. It still is. It’s still, well, I mean just the logistics of processing orders, specific requests and some funky, strange, lovely requests from 700 people.

RB: Oh, wow. [laughter]

DL: Mm-hmm.

RB: Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the root of generosity, the word …

DL: Nnn-hnn.

RB: It goes back to Latin, but really the g-e-n, the gen; what’s it mean when we say — you know, of course generosity meaning expecting nothing in return, but the French, ah, how it evolved in French was “of noble birth.”

DL: Mmm.

RB: So I thought that was very interesting. And g-e-n is also the same root as gender, genius, genesis, and genteel. And I that was SO you, all of those.

DL: Mmm. That’s lovely.

RB: Yeah, so thank you for putting that out into the world.

DL: Yeah, it was fun, thanks.

RB: And one more thing, before I move on to the next thing I want to talk to you about that. I’m curious, Danielle, how generosity has helped you find your own voice.

DL: Oh, well, I just want to – I want to be generous. It feels better to be generous, and um, like I said I also have, I have boundary issues [laughter]. I have over-given, and I have over-compensated, um, because I’ve under-given to my self of just, you know, my own self worth. It’s like, I don’t have to over-produce here, I’m enough. And, um, what was the question — how has it helped me?

RB: Yeah. yeah, just curious how it helped you find your own voice.

DL: How it’s helped me find my own voice … My own voice wants to be unleashed, it wants to be unbridled. Um, I want that freedom. I don’t want to hold back in any way. And, you know, I want to be intentional about it, it’s not about being sloppy. It’s about being impeccable. And there’s a purity. And also, I’ve been shown generosity at some very key moments in my career, certainly in my life, but you know, entrepreneurially speaking …

RB: Mmm-hmm.

DL: I’m just so touched by people who were willing to, that have, it was the basic stuff: to have tea with me, to hear my idea, people who wrote me very big checks, um, to invest in me after, after having a muffin. [laughter]

RB: Excellent! [laughter]

DL: People who kept just showing up and showing up and saying, you know, there’s another dimension to this, there’s another, there’s another little loophole we gotta talk about, oh my god it’s just a curveball. And, you know, those crisis times that last for weeks until you untangle and clear it out. I was, ah, wow, you know, late night emails, and, ah, an really people saying from their heart, “however I can help you, I will.” And me calling on them! And them being there, just, I, so touched.

RB: Mmm. Very cool. And it’s really clear that you recognize that, too, that you haven’t taken that for granted at all.

DL: Nnn-hnn, nnn-hnn.

Part 2 Coming Soon!

Here’s the direct link to The Spark Kit (formerly known as “The Fire Starter Sessions”.  I’m a proud affiliate, by the way!).

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I’m not participating in Reverb10.  I think it looks fabulous and part of me wants to join the over 2000 (yes, 2000) other folks in writing about 2010 and setting the stage for 2011.  (If you’re at all interested, do check it out.)  But I don’t want to flirt with being over-committed and I think that might well be the tipping point right now, as there is so much brewing.  I do look at the Reverb writing prompts though and compose a sentence or two in my head of what is true for me.

The first prompt was something to the effect of “what is your word for 2010 and what is your word for 2011?”  I instantly had my word for 2010: pressure.

It’s not too heavy a word when describing my year nor is it to mean things were necessarily negative.  Challenges, sure and these challenges did exert a certain pressure on all areas of my life and business.  I mean pressure as in intensity, forging focus and having to clear out what’s not working to get to what is essential. There’s even been physical pressure- a lingering case of Lyme’s, an expanding belly, etc…  Pressure has been felt, exercised in many forms and I’m expecting, and experiencing a diamond mine of clarity, laser-focus and light.

That clarity, focus and light has not only been fueled by events, situations and responses, but also by some pretty profound people that have played a spectrum of roles in my life this year.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll be using this blog to, among other things, recognize and acknowledge these folks.  They’ve reminded me that we have no idea the impact we make on someone else, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant the gesture or encouraging word.  It’s important to me that these folks and events are recognized as they’ve been cobblestones (if not solid rocks) on my path this year. More on that in the next few days.

What I really want let you know about is that this all culminating in some fantastic and deeply satisfying changes in my work, coaching and how I run my business. I’ll be unfolding  and sharing these here over the next few weeks too.  They speak deeply to my core and how I can be of greatest service and use to the world right now. If it speaks to you, I hope you’ll join me as I move forward.

So, yes some big changes for me.  And they are good ones.  Suggestions that have been in front of me but I’ve looked past and beyond.  Funny how that happens sometimes, but it does happen.  Dorothy had the ruby slippers the whole time but had to make the journey to understand their power, her power with them, her desire for them and that they were right in front of her.  It’s not been unlike that for me.  A different path for sure (no yellow brick road or flying monkeys) – but it’s time to click my heels and move on to the next chapter.

2010: From pressure to changes… queue the Bowie, please:

And all the nice comments that have been left on my previous posts? I look forward to replying, as I have done in my head many times. Trying to work out the kink that’s not letting me do that… yet.

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Not so long ago, a very cool guy I know decided he wanted us, his colleagues, to be aware of the occasional seizures he experiences.  He asked me if this would be alright to share with the staff and I told him that it was completely up to him if he wanted to share at all and of course, up to him what he would say about it.  He graciously, matter-of-factly, yet thoughtfully spoke to an interested and caring group.  He wanted to assure us that he would be fine and to let us know what would be most helpful in that situation.  It was very helpful information and his colleagues were (and are) grateful that he shared this with them.

As we all work with kids, I asked him what he’d like for us to say to them, should they happen to witness a seizure or wonder what was happening.  I didn’t know what the scope of the seizures were, or at that time, how he responded to them.  I wanted to make sure kids were assured that he’d be fine and I wanted to respect his privacy.  Having learned he manages them quite well and that a period of sleep and rest is most helpful, I wanted to know, in his words, what felt like the right and appropriate thing to say.  He looked up a little bit, smiled and said, “tell them I just need to reboot”.

Simple, honest… wise.  Yes, this is what was necessary and warranted physiologically but really- it’s great wisdom for all of us.

Reboot.  The simple idea of taking a break, even a hard shut-down, and coming back with restored power. Smart and incredibly effective.

Why?  Perhaps you get a cold-cortisol shower and freak out when something unexpected comes up or wasn’t part of their plan.  Or you fall behind on deadlines, commitments or projects and begin to feel disappointment, shame or regular-old stress.  Or your challenge leaves you not knowing what to do or how to proceed. Really, the wisdom behind this concept relates to a spectrum of situations or issues.  But the tonic is still appropriate and good.

Rebooting is a timeless idea dressed in a new leotard and perhaps an even more effective take on what is helpful and what works.  It’s quick, allows you to pick up where you left off but refreshed and restored.  Not everything requires a do-over or starting from scratch. Like if you miss an exit on the freeway, instead of driving home and staring over, you pull off the road, get a cuppa joe and reassess.  Stretch your legs.  Even nap if that would help.  Pick up from here. We know this, but we forget it’s available to us.

Yes vacations, retreats, sabbaticals are awesome and needed. (Sign me up!)  But what about when that’s not in the cards?  What can be your go-to ‘reboot’? Something you can have in your back pocket.  A little insurance that you have a go-to plan.  A little assurance that everything will work out.

What’s your ‘reboot’?

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